Can a word encompass so much?

I've always struggled with being labelled. They make me feel 'boxed in' like I have to 'be' a certain way as dictated by the 'label.' For example, I never liked being a 'girl' - it meant I should like dresses and pink; be good at cooking, ballet, socialising, etc. and I should want to look 'pretty' whatever that meant. Other labels followed like 'bright', 'musical', 'academic' and although these seemed less restrictive in some ways they still brought with them, expectations.

I understand why as a species we like to categorise and as I grew older I started to see that language can change and with it the meaning of words and what they represent. I came to the idea that I preferred that labels be used as a 'backdrop against' which something can be discussed, examined, explored, etc. rather than as a 'reason for' something or a 'demand' that you fit a pre-prescribed definition. But it was never something that was more than just a passing thought or idea which sometimes came up in conversation.

Neurodivergent Diagnoses

Then I got diagnosed with autism and ADHD and this wondering about labels, diagnoses, words, etc. became more important. This piece is an exploration of some ideas, thoughts and experiences that came to me in a daydream a few days ago. This is a rambling journey where I will be writing as the words flow through me onto this page. 

At first the ideas floating around in my head seemed disconnected, and I would have dismissed them as that - random ideas that were just co-existing in my thoughts. But then I did something that I have been trying to do more of recently. I trusted that I was being shown something, I had faith that when I thought "maybe I should make a note of this" and my body responded with a feeling that I have taken to mean agreement, that I should do as instructed. 

My Daydream - a Stream of Ideas

So here goes:

Attending the Hoffman Process - 2009
Attending the Hoffman Process in 2009 was a pivotal moment in my life. As I wrote in the piece here, the impact of that process was far-reaching. And threads of that go through this daydream I had. What was calling to me in particular was what Bob Hoffman, who created the Process, "coined the term ‘Quadrinity’ ....describing the 4 aspects of our Self: The Intellect, The Emotions, The Body and The Spirit." He believed that "By engaging all these aspects and helping them to work in harmony, true healing could begin."

There seemed to be thoughts pulling me towards the power of my 'quadrinity' - the interplay between my physical body, emotions, thoughts and my spiritual side. Something I had been aware of all these years since the process but was grabbing my attention differently in this daydream.

And then I flitted to:

Learning about Shamanism & training as a Core Shamanic Practitioner
Following the Hoffman Process, and having tried many healing modalities I stumbled across Shamanism and started training as a Core Shamanic Practitioner. It was sometime during my 5 years of training, I found myself watching The Horse Boy about a family's journey to help their autistic son by embarking on a trip on horseback to visit some Mongolian shamans. 

One of things that struck me was these people straddling the spirit world and this world - "The shamans don't show neurological symptoms because they are shamans, they become shamans because they had these neurological symptoms. We don't know why but one thing we do know is that line between what is a shaman and the line between a psychoanalyst is not that clearly drawn. We are one of the few societies that treat neurological and psychiatric difference by creating institutions where we separate people completely from society. Most other cultures aren't like that."
At the time I didn't know how poignant this was for me as I was still at least 10 years off being diagnosed autistic and ADHD and didn't really see my dyslexic diagnosis (at age 21) as a neurological difference in that way.

Concurrently to training as a Core Shamanic Practitioner I was also autonomously educating my children and navigating space for my development as a person. In my daydream I was shown the serendipity of my Permaculture Design Certificate (PDC) course (again mentioned in the article I posted at the beginning.) 

What was floating around my mind was the Permaculture Ethics of Earth Care, People Care. Fair Share. As a dyslexic person, with short-term memory issues, anything that helps me remember things is great, and I have always loved the 3 permaculture ethics because they are succinct but so powerfully useful. But I was also pondering on one of my favourite permaculture principles - use edges and value the marginal - the idea that magic happens at the interface between 2 systems. 

And this led me to some things that had occurred to me more fully following my diagnosis of autism. 
I was often mistaken for a boy as a child and as I mentioned at the beginning of embarking on this meandering journey of discovery, I don't remember a time when I didn't query my gender and the societal expectations of what it meant to be a girl. I never really had the language to explain my feelings and thoughts back in the 80s and 90s though. Post-diagnosis I trip over the concept of neuroqueering - a set of principles to live by as set out by Dr Nick Walker. I have her book, but this page is the first thing I found that set out the practices of neuroqueering. I loved all the concepts in Nick's essay but the thing that really caught my attention was the fact that she first coined the term as a verb. 

Now where do I go with all this?

Here I am pondering why did my brain threw these things all together in this magical soup of a daydream? What was I being shown? 

Here are some random thoughts that are coming to me as I write:

When I attended Hoffman, I was cut off from my spiritual side as I had been brought up a Christian and didn't like the hierarchical nature of religion. That led me to finding Shamanism as a way to honour my spiritual side. What I loved about shamanism was that was a non-hierarchical spiritual practice. At the time I didn't realise that autistic people often struggle with hierarchy, power imbalances and instead prefer autonomy. Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is often a behavioural pattern that occurs in neurodivergent individuals and as with a lot of medicalised and pathologised 'labels' there has been a suggestion that Pervasive Drive for Autonomy is a more accurate way to describe the intense need for personal freedom and self-determination. 

Autonomous Education

My partner and I autonomously educated our children before we even knew they (or we) were neurodivergent. I find it funny how this happens so often in life: finding yourself doing something that later on makes more sense. I found Shamanism and stayed with it (unlike the other healing modalities I trained in) because of its egalitarian teachings and respect for all things. In shamanism, we are equal to all things - rivers, animals, plants, the sky, etc. We learn from all nature including the rocks and the wind. No-one is above, no thing is below and nature implores that we are the best version of ourselves - free to be who we were meant to be.

Also whilst attending Hoffman I realised that I was VERY out of touch with my body. As the great Ken Robinson said about academics "they live in their heads....slightly to one side. They're disembodied...in a kind of literal way. They look upon their body as a form of transport for their heads." I think that this applies to more than just academics though. This was how I was - ignoring my body, not aware of what it was trying to tell me. Again I didn't know I was autistic and had interoception issues - meaning that I don't always know what is going on inside my body physically or emotionally.

Do Schools Kill Creativity

Ken Robinson states in his TED talk - Do schools kill creativity? that "as children grow up, we start to educate them progressively from the waist up. And then we focus on their heads. And slightly to one side." He could see that our education system focuses on language-based skills alongside logic and rules. At the same time progressively ignoring the right hemisphere - creativity, spatial awareness, artistic and musical skills. Like we are mono-culturing our brains and our ways of thinking through our education system. He states, "Every education system on earth has the same hierarchy of subjects. At the top are mathematics and languages, then the humanities. At the bottom are the arts. And in pretty much every system, too, there's a hierarchy within the arts. Art and music are normally given a higher status in schools than drama and dance. There isn't an education system on the planet that teaches dance every day to children the way we teach them mathematics."

Collaboration 

Again the reason my partner and I decided to home educate was so that our children could run, climb, dance, play as much as they wanted. 'Learning whilst living' was one of our underlying principles for our autonomously educating lives. There was an appreciation for the beauty of cooperative learning that occurs when a group of children of all ages, from different backgrounds, get together. Again Ken Robinson in a different TED talk mentioned that batching children "by date of manufacture" seemed counter-productive and that "collaboration is the key to human growth". This is definitely something that I saw when home educating - mixing children together regardless of age, skill, aptitude, etc. created great games, discussions and growth for all of those involved. 

This is something that nature is recognises - collaboration and biodiversity are vital to survival. Conversely, monocultures have created more problems than they ever solved with increased need for pesticide, herbicide use, etc. 

Biodiversity

You only need to read articles, like the one about banana's becoming extinct because we only eat one variety, to see that lack of diversity and the way our food is 'grown' now is massively problematic. In one such article it is stated that " Monocultures do not exist in nature...and we need to learn lessons from this." There are 'rewilding' movements happening across the planet in an attempt to allow nature to do what it does best - increasing and celebrating biodiversity  but what about 'rewilding' our brains, our education system, our language? Can we reverse the mono-culturing or homogenising of the way we think, interact, behave, live, educate, etc? 

As I mentioned above there is a concept in permaculture about the edge effect - a realisation that 'magic' happens at the intersection between 2 different ecosystems. Where the 2 systems meet a whole new ecology emerges that takes advantage of, and often only exists because, those 2 separate ecological systems and their respective features exist.

Dr Nick Walker seems to adopt a similar approach by merging the 2 systems of neurodiversity and queerness. Her essay sets out the 8 practices of neuroqueering which include "engaging in practices intended to undo and subvert one’s own cultural conditioning and one’s ingrained habits." 

Isaac Rupertson brought together his autistic son and shamanism and discovered that other cultures don't view autism as a disease or disorder but a difference to be celebrated even going so far as to say "the shaman believed Rowan may become a shaman in the future."

Ken Robinson could see that we have 2 hemispheres of the brain for a reason and that intelligence needs to be multifaceted. Intelligence is "diverse. We think about the world in all the ways that we experience it. We think visually, we think in sound, we think kinesthetically. We think in abstract terms, we think in movement. Secondly, intelligence is dynamic. If you look at the interactions of a human brain, intelligence is wonderfully interactive. The brain isn't divided into compartments."

When Edges Meet

He could see that 'magic' happens when things merge, interact, when edges meet!!
"In fact, creativity -- which I define as the process of having original ideas that have value -- more often than not comes about through the interaction of different disciplinary ways of seeing things.
And the third thing about intelligence is, it's distinct."

So again how can we find the new ecology that happens when we actively create space for people with different upbringings, neurotypes, cultural expectations, etc. to meet, talk, exchange ideas, etc. How could a meeting between someone with PDA and someone with a military background not create some interesting ideas about rules, routines, intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation, how to get the best out of people, etc? 

Observing

So here I am unpacking lots of things that I have observed, learnt and experienced but now against the backdrop of my relatively new neurodivergent (ND) diagnoses (and those of my immediate family.) 

I wonder - how can I bring all my knowledge and experience together in a way that uses my "edge" between pre-diagnosis, ableist Viv & post-diagnosis (learning about ableism) V who is continually learning, growing and accepting my quirkiness? 

How could I "value the marginal" in me, value my creativity, share my life experiences, how I feel being on the edge of acceptable norms, in a way that could be part of useful paradigm-shifts in society?

How can I encapsulate all these ideas in a succinct way that helps me remember how I want to live, work, share, as a neurodivergent, queer, core shamanic, essentially evolving person?

I suppose this is why I really loved finding the term neuroqueering and the idea of "Working to transform social and cultural environments in order to create spaces and communities – and ultimately a society – in which engagement in...(neuroqueering) is permitted, accepted, supported, and encouraged." A word that encapsulates so much. Or the Permaculture Ethics - Earth Care, People Care, Fair Shares - and Principles that lay out a framework.

What I Want

I want a word or set of ethics - something memorable, quirky, pithy. Something that encompasses my desire to honour my quadrinity including the creativity of my right brain and the innate wisdom of my body. 

I want something that brings in the power of nature, de-harmonginising us, rewilding us, putting us back in the earth's ecosystem as equal, a part of, aware of how amazing nature is and how amazing we are as a part of it.

I want something that encompasses the magic that happens in dreams, daydreams, or in the stillness when words stop and images, symbols, synchronicities, feelings, sounds, etc. can take over.

I don't want another label as such. I want a 'doing word', a word that inspires growth and indicates movement looking beyond our culture, seeing beyond arbitrary lines drawn on a map or man-made concepts of race, gender, religion, age, intelligence, etc.

Action Words

Am I asking too much? Well here are some ideas:

NeuroWilding - rewilding our nervous systems including all aspects of ourselves (body, emotions, thoughts.) Tapping into our wildness and those parts of us that remember what it was like to be in nature - learning and growing as part of the planet that we share with so many other wonderful beings - animals, plants, the weather, the seas, etc.

Quadreaming - honouring our quadrinity (body, emotion, thoughts and spirit) in a way that taps into the power of dreaming, daydreaming and communication beyond words - symbols, music, art, dance, nature, feelings, observing synchronicities and finding the balance within ourselves between our creativity and logic.

NeuroQuesting - an awareness of our individuality but also connection and interaction with our environments - whether internal or external. A desire to actively seek out places where we can create new ecosystems of thought, being, etc. To actively question the 'status quo', find people who don't agree with you and listen, assume that everything you know might be 'wrong' and find joy in questioning everything!! 

QuadEvolving - like it but sounds too much like you are doing something with your Quad muscles where I think quadreaming I can get away with!!! I do like the fact that it could be devolving as well which could potentially mean the transfer of powers from our left brain logic word dominate to using both brain hemispheres that full quadrinity of thoughts, emotions, physical and spiritual.

QuinQuesting - I wondered about going beyond the quadrinity (the 4 aspects of our Self: The Intellect, The Emotions, The Body and The Spirit) to include Soul as from a shamanic perspective Spirit and Soul are associated with different shamanic realms. There is also the link with the 4 active elements of Earth, Air, Fire, Water but with the addition of Ether. 

What Do You Think?

I already have my overarching idea of being Essentially Evolving which is my business name, but I'm hoping that adopting a few other words and ideas can help me remember where I am heading on this essentially evolving journey of life. I'm going to ruminate on those above and keep playing around. But what do you think?

A side note:
The reason I like 'neuro' is that it relates to the nervous system (brain, spinal code, nerves and neurons) NOT just the brain. This is important as there is a large part of the NS which is not under our conscious control. 

When our nervous system is balanced we are in an area called our "window of tolerance": an optimal zone were we are able to function and deal with day-today stresses. When we deviate from that window we start to feel uncomfortable, maybe agitated or anxious. Go further still, and you're into a dysregulated, fight, flight or freeze response. 

In neurodivergent people their nervous system tends to be more rigid resulting in a smaller "window of tolerance." When I got my ND diagnoses I thought it was a brain difference - a difference in the way I thought. It was reassuring to know that actually it is a nervous system difference - the space I have to react to the stresses of life is smaller; becoming dysregulated is easier; getting overwhelmed is easier and that is all happening in a split second within my NS, outside of my control. 

Now I know that, I can learn how to work with my window of tolerance, knowing that I am just working with a different system to others means I can be kinder to myself. Our NSs are not the same.

Researching stuff to write this post, I looked up Bob Hoffman so that I can include the quote about the Quadrinity. On that page I found that he was born 5th September 1922 - exactly 100 years before my autism diagnosis. If that isn't a synchronicity worth noting, I don't know what is.

Another side note: 
I got this daydream and started writing thoughts, etc. on Sunday 11th August. I've added in extra thoughts since then. I haven't posted until now because I liked the synchronicity and energy of posting on the 5th September as it is 2 years since my autism diagnosis. 

Over the week from 11th August I was catching up on some posts in a shamanic group I am in when I noted that my shamanic teacher Paul Francis had posted about being 'neurowild' instead of 'neurodiverse!' Talk about synchronicities!!!! I definitely want to investigate the idea of 'neurowilding' further.

Further Reading / Investigation:

Finding Myself through Labels - a previous blog post - Does labelling people help self-acceptance? (essentiallyevolving.co.uk)

A piece I wrote 11 years ago about some of the expereinces that also feature in this blog post https://www.transitionculture.org/2013/09/23/viv-chamberlin-kidd-on-the-permaculture-design-course-that-changed-her-life/

https://www.permaculturenews.org/2015/10/16/why-is-the-edge-so-damned-important/

Neuroqueering - an introduction https://neuroqueer.com/neuroqueer-an-introduction/

What is Interoception? https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/what-is-interoception

TED talk - Do schools kill creativity? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

The Rewilding Movement in Britain https://www.rewildingbritain.org.uk/

The Bananas Lack of Diversity article https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/mar/22/1000-varieties-banana-lack-of-diversity-extinction